Young people (boys and girls) often decide to live together under the influence of strong emotional cravings towards each other. During the meetings before marriage, as well as in the first years after the wedding, the discussion of mundane money issues looks unromantic and even indecent. If young people are attracted to each other by mutual tender feelings, then it’s tactless to discuss who should pay for what.
At the same time, it is precisely financial disagreements that inevitably appear in the process of a long life together can lead to a cooling of relations, unnecessary conflicts and even the breakup of the union . A man and a woman in a family are forced to maintain a common household, to distribute available monetary resources. And if you do not work out common approaches to boring household and financial issues in advance, then high feelings can soon be replaced by insults, dissatisfaction, misunderstanding and quarrels.
To avoid controversy, a man and a woman living in a pair must agree on:
- which items should consist of their total family budget;
- what amounts will be spent for one purpose or another;
- how the family budget will be filled: who will contribute what part to it;
- where will the money be taken for the personal expenses of each spouse;
- what large financial expenses will be in priority.
When there are financial disagreements in the family
Most young people who have just got married do not have a solid financial income. The first years after the creation of a family, the newlyweds, as a rule, are engaged in joint survival in harsh conditions. Chronic or recurring financial difficulties in young people are compensated by romantic experiences with each other.
Over time, the professional qualifications of the spouses will grow. Both of them (or one of them) will begin to climb the corporate ladder. As a result, the family will have a financial surplus. And if at the previous stages of family life , the priorities of spending were not established between the spouses and there was no agreement on this issue, then in the future this could serve as a ground for discord .
So, perhaps, one of the members of a married couple had long dreamed about expensive repairs in the apartment, and the second about annual travels abroad. It is good if the money earned is enough for them to finance all these areas. But most often money turns out to be allocated only for one thing. If the spouses are not accustomed to discuss what it is better to spend their income on, then the following situation may arise: one of the partners will realize their dream, and someone – the dream of another. One of their spouses will feel slighted. Dissatisfaction can lead to emotional breakdowns, disputes, conflicts, deterioration of relationships.
Of course, financial differences are inherent not only to those families in which there is prosperity. It is not always possible to agree on where it is better to spend the available funds, and those people who live on the verge of poverty. Ideally, such spouses need to develop a joint action plan to overcome the difficult situation: to find sources of increasing income, to optimize costs. But often the husband and wife, tired of lack of money, by all means try to snatch as much money from the family budget as possible in order to satisfy their personal needs.
As a result, we can draw the following conclusion: the existence of financial disagreements does not depend on the level of wealth in the family. Disputes and conflicts arise when the spouses have not discussed their financial relationships and have not reached a mutual understanding on this issue.
How to make a financial partner out of a spouse
There are few families in which the future husband and wife agree on the principles of financial relations even before entering into marriage. In most cases, common family spending at newlyweds occurs spontaneously. Often, one spouse gives the second a large part of the money earned by him, leaving him only for personal needs. In the future, he, as a rule, does not understand what money is spent on. And in case of a shortage of funds, he begins to rebuke his partner in the wrong management of the budget.
How to make financial discrepancies not spoil the relationship? You just need to first discuss all the controversial issues and find a common mutually beneficial solution. How financial relationships in a family will be built depends largely on who of the spouses earns money (one or both).
If both spouses work in a family
Traditionally, the earner in the family was a man. The woman was engaged in housekeeping and raising children, and, as a rule, was dependent on her husband. By how well the husband maintained his wife, outsiders evaluated his strength. On the other hand, the woman was completely dependent on her husband.
In the modern world, in order to earn money, it is not necessary to have great physical strength. The level of women’s wages is gradually compared to the level of men’s wages. This trend could not affect the interaction between spouses in families.
Family psychologists and personal finance specialists advise: if both spouses earn a couple, both should contribute to the replenishment of the family budget . Probably, this approach does not seem to all romantic. However, only this way you can create a foundation for a strong relationship between a man and a woman for many years. Becoming financial partners, spouses will rely on mutual understanding and appreciation of each other. Otherwise, the union of a man and a woman can turn into a forced coexistence based on a lack of money.
The expenses of all people living in families are divided into general and personal. The general family expenses include the purchase of food, household goods, payment of utilities, savings for the purchase of an apartment, car, vacation.
Spouses should agree in advance what contribution each of them will make to pay for family expenses . If a man and a woman have approximately the same level of wages, then family spending 50/50 (or in some other way, depending on the situation) can be distributed. The family budget and the planned expenses should be discussed by the spouses every month. Only such an approach will allow them to avoid mutual differences, grievances and conflicts.
And for personal expenses, it is better for men and women to spend their own money (maybe only sometimes asking for help). At the same time, if the spouse regularly contributes his share to the general budget, it is incorrect to control the size and composition of his expenses “for himself”.
In the same joint way it is worth making savings on large purchases (apartment, car, cottage, rest). The priority of large-scale spending should also be negotiated in advance. Perhaps one spouse dreams of a cozy cottage, and the second – a luxury car. In this case, it is necessary to agree on the sequence of purchases. You should also jointly discuss the level of premium and the estimated cost of the planned acquisition. After all, jointly saving for a car worth 800 thousand rubles is one thing, and for a car worth 3 million it is something else.
If one of the spouses temporarily has no financial income
One of the spouses for some reason may temporarily stop working and receive wages. This can happen if you lose your job. Also in such situations, women always find themselves during maternity leave and during the care of a newborn child.
Most often, the spouse or spouse believes that taking care of their maintenance, including payment of personal expenses, in such cases automatically falls on the second member of the couple. However, it will not be superfluous to discuss all the nuances in advance, and not to allow the solution of such issues to run free. It should also be established how much money will be specifically allocated for the personal expenses of the temporarily unemployed spouse . We should proceed here, of course, from the real needs and possibilities of the couple. Honest and open discussion will help avoid misunderstanding, dissatisfaction, unnecessary grievances and quarrels.
If only one spouse works in a family
There are also such families in which only one spouse works (most often – a man). In such unions, the husband can be a rationally minded person who can financially meet the needs of all family members. The woman is engaged in maintaining a cozy atmosphere in the house. And in his spare time he is engaged in the search for harmony with the Universe.
A man who finances the needs of the whole family may be tempted to individually decide how to spend the money earned. A woman can assume that her husband’s financial success is also there. And she also has the right to part of the income of her spouse.
What could cause a conflict? For example, due to the fact that a joint collective meditation of a wife with a visiting Indian guru will require 3 times more money than a husband is willing to spend on “some traveling quack”.
But if a man decided to fully assume the maintenance of a woman, then they should jointly determine the amount that will be allocated to the mistress of the house for personal needs . To avoid this question in silence and let its decision take its course is dangerous and fraught with conflicts. And after the adoption of a mutual decision to one side, it is desirable not to exceed the agreed budget. The second side does not need to control how the money allocated is spent. If necessary, it will be possible to conduct additional negotiations to change the amount provided.
Joint planning and filling the family budget, relative freedom in personal spending, willingness to provide a loved one with the necessary help in difficult situations will make the union of a man and a woman mutually beneficial and strong. Spouses will be able to combine their efforts to achieve common high goals. At the same time, they will feel relatively independent. And the person will not have a feeling that his interests are not being satisfied.
What you need to agree before marriage
In order for a truly partnership financial relationship to form between a man and a woman, many years have to pass. Few of the newlyweds manage to do this.
At the same time, there are issues that need to be clarified by loving each other young people before marriage. This is, above all , the attitude of the future partner to consumer loans and gambling .
If a person does not see anything terrible in spending more than earning, then marrying him is dangerous. With such a person it is impossible to agree on joint savings for large-scale purchases. His money will go to pay for loans, which he took to meet his immediate needs. He will not achieve lofty goals, and will prevent his partner from doing so.